Unfolding Education

My great thanks to Varya, who reached out to ask if she could facilitate a translation of this article, kindly done by Apple Wei from Zhuhai, to share with her fellow Montessorians in China. Here’s the translation:

The Montessori model of education requires a good deal of independence and self-regulation of its students. Not every child shows up with these qualities in full bloom. Here are some ways that you can support your child’s success, at home:

蒙特梭利教育模式要求学生具有独立自主和自我管理的能力，并不是所有的孩子都能在完全开放的环境中表现出这些品质。以下是你可以在家里支持孩子成功的一些方法:

• Respect your child. While honoring the child she is, also honor the adult she will become. You will spend much longer in the company of the adult version of her, than the child manifestation you see now. Listen to your child. Let her know she’s important (but, not the center of the universe!). Be deliberate in your interactions, because you are helping her to sculpt her future self.

请尊重孩子。同时也要尊重她成长的过程。你不仅仅会陪伴她渡过童年时光，未来你将还会用更多的时间陪伴她的成长，倾听孩子，让她知道她是很重要的(但又并不是整个宇宙的中心!)。让她在跟你的互动中学会思考，因为你正在帮助她塑造她自己的未来。

• Allow your child to do for herself what she can do for herself. Too many parents equate doing things for their children with good parenting, when the exact opposite is true. If your goal is to raise an independent adult human, then you sabotage your child every time you rush to help her with things that she can manage alone. Not only do you rob her of the opportunity to practice new skills, but you also send the message that she is incapable. Stand back, let your child figure it out. You’ll know when she really needs your help, and that’s when you can offer it.

允许孩子为自己做力所能及的事情。很多父母认为帮助孩子做很多的事情才是养育孩子的正确方式，而事实恰恰相反，如果你的目标是培养一个独立的成年人，那么你包办替代孩子做她力所能及的事情的时候，其实对她本人是起到了破坏的作用。你不仅剥夺了她练习新技能的机会，而且还传达了她自己是没有能力的讯息，让她变得退步。请让孩子明白：当她真正需要你帮助时请告诉你，那才是你可以提供帮助的最佳时机。

• When you do offer help, seize the opportunity to teach. Don’t just rush through the doing. Break down the task into precise steps. Use a minimum of language as you demonstrate. Repeat the process, when applicable, and then offer your child a chance to try it herself. The time you lose in teaching, you gain back exponentially as your child becomes independent in the skill.

当你为孩子提供帮助的时候，也是一个教育的契机。不要只是匆匆完成，而要把任务分解成精确的步骤，在演示的过程中使用最少的语言，在适当的时候重复这个过程，然后给孩子一个尝试的机会。比如你会用一些时间去教授孩子某种技能，虽然教授孩子花费了你的时间，但是当孩子具有某种技能的时候，你所用去的时间其实也是得到了补偿的。

• Expect responsibility from your child. In line with item 1 up there, when it comes to picking up, if your child can do it, she should be doing it. There is absolutely no reason why you should be picking up after your child once she is physically capable of doing it herself. You can’t rush around, cleaning up after your child, her whole childhood and then suddenly expect her to turn into a paragon of cleanliness once the teenage years hit. That’s not going to happen!

当你期待孩子具有责任感的时候，请遵循第一条要求，如果孩子能独立做到，她应该独立完成。当孩子有能力自己动手完成事情的时候，你没有理由去帮助她。你应该尊重她的技能。你不能总是跟在后面帮孩子整理和收拾，如果她的整个童年都是这样被照顾，你期望她在青少年时期突然变成一个清洁的典范。这是绝对不可能的！

• Help create organization by having simple systems and procedures in place at home. Establish routines: When you come in from school here’s where you hang your jacket (hang a low coat hook or two for your child), here’s what you do with our lunch box (have her empty it and wash the reusable containers), here’s where you put your work folder (have her check for notes from school), here’s where you put your shoes, and so on.

通过在家里建立简单的生活秩序来帮助孩子创建组织意识。比如生活方面:当你从学校回来,请把你的夹克挂在固定位置的衣帽架上(可以为孩子准备一两个低一点的衣帽钩，以便她自己效仿完成)；把你的午餐盒放在合适的位置(可以让孩子也学习清洗饭盒)；把你的随身工作物品放在固定位置(可以让她做好学校用品的整理摆放),在固定的位置穿脱鞋子,等等。

• It’s not enough for your child to just be responsible for cleaning up after herself, she should also contribute to the good of the family. As soon as she is physically able, engage your child in meaningful chores. Sure, for a while it’ll likely create even more work for you, but your child will be living in your house for a long time, so it is time well spent. You won’t end up spending your days cleaning, and your child will feel like a valuable and contributing member of your family.

对孩子来说，仅仅负责为自己整理是不够的，她还应该为家庭的利益做出贡献。只要她身体是健康的，请让她做有意义的家务。当然，前期她可能会为制造出更多的家务活，但她还会跟你一起住很长的一段时间，所以花些时间训练，以后你就不用花太多的时间自己去打扫整理了，孩子也会觉得自己是一个有价值的家庭成员。

• Allow your child to feel empowered by giving her choices. In the morning, you can offer your child to pick one of two outfits to wear for school. You don’t swing open the closet door and ask your child to come up with an ensemble; that’s overwhelming. Limited choices are empowering AND manageable.

让孩子通过做出选择来获得力量。每天早上，你可以邀请孩子挑选喜欢穿的衣服去上学。你不需要打开衣柜提醒孩子拿出衣服，表面看这好像有点不近人情。但是有限的选择就是授权，并且的确是易于管理的。

• While offering choices, remember that your child is not the boss. Don’t ever give that sort of power to your child. It does not help her to feel safe, and it creates a very unhealthy family dynamic. Your child must always know that, while she is supported in independence, and given choices, you are the ultimate authority. When you say no, quietly and firmly, she will know, because you have never given her any reason to doubt it, that you really, really mean it.

在给孩子提供选择的时候，请记住她不是老板。不要把这种权力全部给她。他不仅不会给她带来安全感，而且还会营造一种不健康的家庭状态。她必须一直清楚，当她在独立的时候就会得到支持，并会给予她选择的权利，你才是最终的权威。当你温柔而坚定地说“不”的时候，她就会知道，因为你从未给她任何怀疑的理由，你是认真的。

• Don’t use bribes and punishments to motivate your child. You want to raise an adult who doesn’t need to be incentivized or threatened to make good choices. Use natural consequences when possible. If the rule is no running inside, and your child runs, crashes into something and gets hurt, that’s a natural consequence. Be sure to draw the line between the two things, in a matter of fact, rather than condescending way. When natural consequences aren’t available, try to find a logical consequence. If your child refuses to use something in the house respectfully, then she doesn’t get to use it for a time. If your child doesn’t clean up after herself then she doesn’t get to take that same toy or game out again for a time. These consequences are delivered in a calm and clear way –“I see you didn’t put your toys away nicely when you were finished using them. That tells me you aren’t ready to be responsible for those toys yet. That means you won’t be able to take them out again for a while.” Stay firm. You must mean what you say, or don’t say it at all.

如果你想要培养一个不是被激励或威胁就能够做出正确选择的成年人，请杜绝用贿赂和惩罚的方式来激励孩子。在可能的情况下选择承担自然后果的方式。比如规定了不能够在室内乱跑，但是她却乱跑被撞伤了，这就是自然后果。一定要在这两件事之间划清界限，而不是屈尊俯就。当自然后果无法实现时，就尝试寻找一个合乎逻辑的结果。如果孩子拒绝在房子里使用某种东西，那么她以后的一段时间就不可以使用。如果孩子不能做好物品整理，她以后的一段时间就不能再拿同样的玩具去游戏。这些后果以一种平静而清晰的方式传递——“我看到你用完玩具后，没有把玩具收好。”这告诉我你还没有准备好对那些玩具负责。这意味着这段时间你不能再带他们出去玩了。“请保持坚定的态度表达你的意思，否则就什么都不要说。

• Be careful of praise. In keeping with the previous point, you don’t want your child to do things solely to please you. Praise is just another extrinsic reward. You don’t want to praise your child for things she comes by effortlessly, like beauty or intelligence. You do want to notice her effort when faced with a challenge, her ability to persist, her patience, her kindness. And when you do notice those things, you want to do so in a way doesn’t reduce the value of what she has achieved down to how it makes YOU feel. No more, “Good girl. I’m so proud of you!”. You want your child to feel proud of herself, to feel empowered, to notice the effort it took to be successful. Change a few words here and there and your encouragements will become far more effective and positive. Instead of saying, “I’m so proud of you”, say, “You must feel so proud of yourself”. Instead of saying, “You’re so smart”, say “I can see how hard you worked on that”. You don’t want to raise a people-pleaser. You want to raise an adult who can see the value in her hard work in terms of how it makes her feel, and how it positively impacts her community. Editing your praise can really help with this.

适当的表扬。与之前的观点一致，你不希望孩子仅仅为了取悦你而做事情。表扬只是外在的奖励。你不想表扬孩子毫不费力就可以拥有的方面，比如长相和正常的智商。你要关注她的努力、坚持的能力、耐心、善良。当你注意到这些品质的时候，你再进行表扬就不会降低她为了达到目标所付出努力的价值。好孩子！我真为你骄傲！其实你希望她为自己感到骄傲，有力量感，注意到成功所付出的努力。在这里改变几个字，你的鼓励就会变得更加有效和积极。与其说“我为你感到骄傲”，不如说“你必须为自己感到骄傲”。不要说“你太聪明了”，而是说“我能看到你有多么的努力”。不为取悦别人，要鼓励一个成年人在她的努力工作中看到自己的价值，以及她如何对所在社区产生积极影响。合适的鼓励真的可以帮助做到这一点。

These are just a few pointers to set your child on the road to success in her Montessori classroom.

以上内容只是让你的孩子在蒙特梭利课堂上取得成功的一些指引。